My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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