you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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