Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
