You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
operation have a gay friend backfired
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
