He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
