i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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