There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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