btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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