i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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