Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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