What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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