I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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