You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
