went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I smell like Dick and happiness
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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