I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
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i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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