Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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