bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex