i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
