You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
