the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
