addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
