The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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