do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
