your parents love me but you hate me
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
