I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
