My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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