In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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