i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
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Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
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I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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