Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
