she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
