I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
