In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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