I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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