I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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