Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
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