Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
