can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
