put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
