My nipple is on Facebook.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
