I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
