Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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