Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
