New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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