she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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