I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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