I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
