She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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