I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
