pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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