If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
