thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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