Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize