Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
