I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
