I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
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Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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