it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
