just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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