I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
